Dear Family; I have to tell you this very personal story, because no one else would ever be able to look me in the eyes again if they knew this happened…… I took a Crap. Seems pretty simple right? Well not this time….
This was Not the kind of turd that normal humans leave, No this was something else. This was something that deserves a first and last name, and the kind of dookie that should be remembered for generations to come. For the sake of this story we’ll refer to this anomaly as “Bonzo Potts”. I have never seen anything like this before… the size and girth of Bonzo was concerning, and immediate fear struck me when I looked down and saw him emerging from the water. The smell was ungodly, and like no scent I’ve ever encountered… He had 2 Fiery red eyes and I could hear him saying something , very faintly, almost a whisper… “I’ve consumed your soul”. I gasped in terror! I wanted to run and find someone to show them what i was seeing, but I just couldn’t bring myself to bear the shame.
I started to pace around in a circle thinking of what had just occurred. I heard the whispering voices again, echoing – “You will die if you tell…” My heart sank as chills went up my spine. I looked into the bowl again and the entire throat of the toilet was consumed by Bonzo. I marveled at his size and length which could only be described as freakishly shocking. Bonzo was roughly 17 inches long with a girth of about 3.5 inches. Much of Bonzo was above bowl water, which meant his smell was open air shit butter. There was NO way the toilet would flush him, and quite honestly my bigger concern was that the entire septic system could be In jeopardy.. Not to mention that he claimed to have consumed my soul, and I believed him.
I stood staring at Bonzo’s eyes as the whispers echoed and I could feel him getting inside my head, almost like he was possessing me. I couldn’t snap out of it, and my blank stare was so deep I lost peripheral vision and was being drawn into his gaze. I could see every detail in his face & body… remnants of waste and destruction, fusing together to form this Serpent of Shit.
It seemed like hours had passed when I heard aggressive knocking on the door! Kicking and banging with my son saying “I need to use the bathroom!!, Don’t you hear me???”. I’d later find that he had been knocking for 15 minutes straight while screaming for me to respond. I started to freak out. I had to flush Bonzo! I said to my son in a high pitched an crackly voice “Be out in a second”… standing with my pants down around my ankles and blushing from embarrassment I grabbed the plunger. Fearful of clogging the toilet beyond repair I hesitated. But then with all the strength inside me I mashed Bonzo into a sludge, I used the plunger to crush him, churning and wrenching him into cloudy shit-water… the entire time my ears were buzzing from his screeching. Banging on the door continued as I Mashed, & Mashed, & Mashed away… kicking and screaming my son continued. Water splashing up on my face and neck from the plunger, as the warm whofting odor consumed my body. Finally my arms were so tired that I had to stop. Out of breath and covered in shit water I reached for the handle to flush this Devlish Dookie. At the moment my hand touched the handle, his 2 eyes floated to the surface of the murky water…. At that moment I heard Bonzo Potts say…. “I’m always inside of you..”. He laughed as I flushed the remains of him down. Slowly the sludge gurgled down the hole leaving smears of his remnants behind. I was relieved knowing Bonzo went down the drain, but was horrified that there were more where he came from. I slowly opened the door and my son took one look at me, one whiff of the smell and he ran away… A part of me died in the bathroom that day… I will Never be the same again.
The Everyday Man Poop 