It was a cold dark morning, the wind was cold almost too cold for October. I awoke early because I had known that my wife had been anticipating this day for years. The day of my Vasectomy evaluation.My appointment was for 10am In a small town where I grew up. Everybody knew everybody… The physician was the father of one of my not so close friends in high school. The guy was a big sports fan so I knew that there would be pretty much nothing for he and I to talk about. If I would choose to engage in sports talk with him he’d throw out a few names of sports players who of course I wouldn’t know, and I’d be stuck looking like a fool, literally with my pants down. But I’m sure he’d keep this all about business.The nurse called me back to the Doctors office after only a short wait, which was a blessing due to the grim atmosphere of the waiting room. I guess I really couldn’t expect to see a bunch of guys jumping for joy over getting their balls chopped off.. I approached the office only to find a second nurse, and I began to wonder who was going to be examining my Penis. The nurse began to ask me a few questions. Some of the questions were somewhat personal but not creepy. “How many times per week do you have sex?” And “Do you have pain when urinating?” All standard operating procedures I suppose. Doc walked in! “Hello My friend”, He exclaimed “So you want to be done having kids?” …I said ” Yes sir! my wife and I have 3 wonderful kids and we think were done”. He said “Okay, what type of birth control are you using now?” to which I responded. “None at the moment sir”. ” You better start young man or shes gonna get knocked up again ” The Doctor barked. “Well take it out I need to check it” He then began to put his exam gloves on , nurse still standing in the corner of the room looking busy. He rolled his thumb and first finger around my testicles on both sides, and then squeezed them to show me the vein that runs through between them. “Thats your vas deferens, and this is what I will be cutting” he said. He then told me to button up my pants. This guy was very direct and to the point which I typically like in my Doctors, but this was a sensitive area so I was sorta terrified.The Doctor started to break the ice a bit and asked me where I went to school Etc. If I knew his son etc. But all I could think of was his strange bedside manner. After a short explanation of the procedure and directions on shaving he said…”Let me have a second look.”… I began to get nervous.. I asked “Is there a problem?”.. “No there should be no problem, It’s just that you have a larger vein than what I’m use to seeing. There is a higher likelihood of some bleeding” .. The Doc left the room, and my eyes are now as wide as can be, my mouth hanging open, and I had aleready decided in my head that there would be now way in H#LL that I was having this operation.After the doctor left the nurse informed me very thoroughly of what I would be in store for before, during, and after the operation, and told me that she would play a major role in the operation itself. I’m thinking “Yeah, I’m not doing any of that…”. I left the office with a prescription of some sort that I promptly threw away. And The following morning I made up an excuse for cancellation of the operation and went on my merry way. I had avoided being Neutered! My wife would not get to crack jokes about me, or finally get her way.Coincidentally the Doctor was right about one thing, he said…. “You’re gonna knock her up!” And that’s exactly what I did. Not by accident, but on purpose! 3 years later we had my son. If I had been castrated it never could’ve happened.
The Everyday Man Poop 